Kirk's Old Testament

Growing up in Nashville, the very buckle of the proverbial Bible belt, I suppose it was inevitable that I too would launch my very own spiritual journey. Though 53 years later, I am truly amazed that I've ended up here; while it seems that everybody else is way over there. Are we all looking at the same thing I wonder?

Our family weren't church goers. Apparently mother's Missouri Catholic and dad's Alabama Baptist roots were too dry to blossom in our middle class ranch style in the 60s. So I was left to fend for myself in the war between good and evil. And in those very early days, it looked like good may have won. Not bragging but I was a great kid. Kept my hair cut short, fed the dog, and I loved going to Mass with my Aunt Pearlie. I really didn’t understood what was going on, and never did figure out all the standing and kneeling. But the place always smelled good when the priest scattered that incense. And I sure loved the doughnuts when it was over.

I got into college, the University of Alabama. Here my religious trek went off in all different directions; not so much caused by the liberal philosophies I was learning in the classroom. Rather due to all the girls I was dating. You see it was a common courtesy in Alabama to go to church with any girl you were seeing. So one week I might be a Methodist, the next week an Episcopalian. While I couldn't vouch for the specific homilies of either, I can say that those Protestants sure had some good looking members.

In order to help cover the financial costs of going to college, I got involved in a summertime activity that I suppose, looking back on it, brought me in touch with more folks than a hundred missionaries. I sold Bibles door-to-door. Straight commission work and strictly business; I wasn’t trying to save people; I wanted to sell them something. I did pretty well at it, number one salesman in the company and saved over $6000 in 1976, working not too far from where I live today. Yep after six summers, six different states, and seeing over 10,000 families I learned a real truth about the Bible- some folks had one and some folks didn’t.

It wouldn't be too far down the road though before evil completely took over my whole existence. I married my first wife. This really was hell.

But even in that despair, whether it was Providence or just the United States Postal Service, I would receive my revelation, that angelic message, a helping hand cast down from above. It was a piece of junk mail, bulk code, inviting me to an eschatological lecture. A quick glance in my Webster’s confirmed what I only suspected- world ending events. This was great news. My matrimonial burden didn’t seem quite so heavy anymore.

As it would turn out, the lecture was just a front for an indoctrination process hosted by the Church. But as miserable as I was at home, and as crazy as everything else was in my life at the time, I bought it hook line and sinker. I finished that ten week course and got baptized by immersion one Sabbath Day morn. I was a changed man. Stopped going to pool halls, stopped drinking, started reading my Bible every day. I can say that group of church people were as genuine and sincere and caring a bunch of people as I have ever known in my life. I tried hard to fit in. I played on the softball team, helped out in the nursery, and even mowed the church lawn from time to time.

Down deep I was still miserable. While I didn’t know exactly who I was, this church Kirk just wasn’t it.

I remember my epiphany just like it was yesterday. I was out on our boat in the middle of Watts Bar Lake. I cracked open the first cold beer I had had in seven months. I was going through the motions, doing and saying what I thought I should be doing and saying, giving and giving and investing my time in spiritual matters. Doing my best to refrain from the world- however the heck you’re supposed to do that. But nothing was coming back in. My well was running dry. This newfound relationship with Jesus, or God, or whoever, felt just my old relationships when I was by myself. Would it require more time, more money, more prayer, more church? Was I ever going to be truly happy?

Slowly my church life faded.